Ready for an explosion. I feel like I am tensing up. Just before one car slams into another one. That split second of terror and instinct culminate into a reflex that is absolutely opposite to correct. Its easy to hurt yourself further if you let instinct take over and reflex control actions.
Its very still now… right before the storm of Honduras. Im going at the end of the month you know. A real life third world country with real life poverty.
Its very still now because im holding on to how poor I think I am. I say that typing on my macbook pro ($2,200 value) while listening to my Koss Ear buds ($50.00 value), checking my Iphone for need tweets ($200.00 value) and drinking a stunning cup of Honduras San Viciente ($3.00 value) that was made on a $6,000 coffee brewer.
If I am not poor what am I. If I am not legitimately on the brink of homelessness then I must be something and that something is… self absorbed and I am about to hit that reality head on. Im a little scared of not being poor in my mind anymore. Will that lead me to complacency? I hope not because I sure as hell can’t raise a family this way. There is no marriage or back deck… no mountain vacation. I want a damn boat! Funny though… I don’t want God as bad as I want any of those things, I don’t act like it or dwell on it at least. I kind of know he will always be there. Ready to bring me back. So I am self absorbed and I’ll be feeling very guilty about that come Oct 21st when I meet real need and shake his hand, hug his children and watch his wife smile. Will I cry or break down?… doubtful. Will it hurt? I am sure of it. Im not ready for that at all.
