We have a new song this week…
Father true and merciful
Bound to me with love
Adopted in free from all sin
Jesus Saviour glorified
Your offering none could give
I stand before You humbled and in awe
(Pre-Chorus)
And all
To You God
For all You are to me
(Chorus)
There is nothing like
There is nothing like
Your Love.. Your Love
(Verse 2)
Holy Spirit gift of God
Teach my soul to soar
Train me in Your Holy ways oh Lord
(Pre-Chorus)
(Chorus)
(Bridge)
I love you forever
I love you forever
I love you forever Lord
It may be the hardest song to sing that we have ever done and that scares me a little. I know I am going to have to really push to get all of those words out and I don’t feel confident doing that at all, but that isn’t why I am scared to sing it. Im scared to sing it because I don’t understand God’s love.
Love.
I don’t know what it means at all.
I am reactionary when I am hurt. My reaction is usually to bite back. I do it in such a way that it can be rationalized away and I can always make my self look ok if I fight hard enough. I do believe that truth is important and who’s right and who is wrong is important to identify but it should really take a back seat to one thing and thats love. For a long time I thought I was supposed to balance truth and grace but that’s not the case at all. I need to be giving love first always and everything will fall in place every time.
1 John 4:16-18 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
I feel like I get the iron fist of this world all the time and I hate it. I feel backed into a corner and under a microscope. I have the type of personality that is easily named a hypocrite. I talk a lot about work ethic and doing everything to the best of your ability. Every person has his limits and when that limit is reached something doesn’t get done. Whether that be at work or in a relationship. I don’t take no for an answer when it comes to quality, I reach harder than most when it comes to following rules and I always do what I think it correct when it comes to business even if it makes me stay late or take a pay cut. All that is well and good but for the life of me I never see a trash bag that needs to be emptied nor do I notice when the toilet paper has run out in the bathroom. These are also a part of my job and I seem to mess it up time after time. These things are the topic of conversation more so than the things I excel at. I have learned that this is not because people are mean and ruthless as I have always felt under appreciated because of it. It is because I have always put the absolute quality of my obsessions above loving the people I work with. This also happens in relationships.
It is easy to feel hurt when Elizabeth doesn’t remember all the good things I have done for her because she has been hurt by something stupid I did. I can immediately name 30 good things that I remember and I become frustrated. At the root of all that is love. When I feel under appreciated it usually stems from fear or hurt and after we fight for a while it always ends in one of us admitting that we had been hurt or that we were afraid of something. According to John 14, Love has no fear and fear is torment and I’ll be darned if that doesn’t make too much sense! I have to learn to love more and at that I have to learn to love everyone as God loved me and I don’t know about you but that sounds pretty much impossible but I will give it a shot.
Sunday morning my raspy morning voice is going to half scream, half sing I’ll love you forever. I have exactly 23 hours to learn what love is so that I can mean. I am going to start with my co-workers and friends.
God this stuff is soo hard. Every time I think I get somewhere I feel beat up again and it hurts. My stamina and will to go on is low. I need you right now to push me on. I just want to get mad and scream and tell everyone to leave me alone but im going to choose to love them. I need you to keep me strong in it. My flesh is so strong and it wins sometimes. Help me please. How can I possible love you when my love for others is so small. Please help me. Please. There is nothing like your love and I want to show it to people. Help me please. There is nothing like your love and I can’t show it and that is the basis of everything. I feel like I haven’t even started.
I am going to start.
right
now.
Jacob
